Time Passes

    It has been eleven years today since we lost The Magnificent Mr Myers to death.  I quit writing this blog because it hurt to write about my Jerry in the past tense.  Well it still does.  Everyone has grown and moved on.  I seem to be still in limbo.  I function like an adult every day but something is missing and that is my soul mate.  I am able to smile and laugh and do most things I could do before.  But I am incomplete and will be until I join Jerry in heaven.  I miss you.  Today and everyday.

Six Months

Dear Jerry,
     It has now been six months.  Six months since I have heard your voice, felt your touch or kissed your lips.  Six months since I have played with your beard, laughed at your silly Jerry joke or told you I am the most blessed person in the world.
     Today is Thanksgiving.  I am thankful that I knew you for 19 of the best years of my life.  That I have 4 of the greatest children. You would be so proud of all of them.  Especially Sam.  He is making a 90 in physics.  He would be able to talk to you about the one subject you always wanted to know more about.  He has been in 3 performances at Dos Amigos and his band is doing so well.  Josie is about to give birth to a grandson.  Chris seems to be coping but is having a difficult time.  Jeri Leigh is working hard so she doesn't think too much.
     I missed you so much today.  I made spaghetti instead of the traditional Thanksgiving meal we always had.  I thought I was doing good until it was time to drain the meat.  You always did that for me.  Today I did it myself.  I have proven to myself I can do some of your jobs successfully but I just don't want to.
     My life will always be richer because you were in it for such a short time.   
                                                                        Love,
                                                                         Susan

My Life

     I know this blog is about my husband Jerry.  But I have not written anything in quite a while and I wanted to explain.  During the summer, I was able to do most of the work Jerry would have done at a leisurely pace.  Then school preparation began and I can't seen to keep up.  I am guessing the anti-depressants that I now have to take are making me so tired because I have no energy.  But, I also have few emotions.  There are times when I am alone at home that I just want to scream and cry, but I can't seem to.  I also can't just laugh out loud and relax.  I used to look so forward to weekends so I could spend time with my boys (When I say boys, I mean the pets also. The dogs and cat are also males!).  Now, I dread weekends because I can't get the memories of that Sunday, May 22nd out of my head.  I also stay at school later than ever because I don't like going home to an empty house.  I have definitely decided that this will be my last year at school because my heart isn't in my job anymore.  I don't feel like my heart is anywhere but with my own kids.
     I don't want your pity.  I had almost seventeen years with the most wonderful man ever.  I wanted a lifetime more, but that wasn't meant to be.  So, I will try to live.  For now, that's the best I can do.

A Saint?

     I seem to have made a saint out of Jerry lately.  He wasn't.  He wasn't perfect.  He was just a man.  Of course, the best man I have ever known.  But, he did have some faults.
     He had a temper, known as the "Myers temper."  He could become mad faster than anyone (except for maybe my dad!).  He left the toilet set up.  Of course, he always said I left the seat down.  He let the door slam behind him.  My mother would not have allowed that!  He was a messy eater.  And he actually considered Velveta a real cheese.  He thought he could dance.  He loved Bob Dylan.
     So how could I stand to be married for 17 years to this mess?  Well, I was used to a hot temper because of growing up with my dad.  I let Jerry get mad because there's always the making up!  As long as I checked the toilet seat in the middle of the night before sitting down, who cares?  My mother never could get me to stop slamming the door.  We have the large economy size bottle of Shout to pretreat the food stains on clothes.  I love homemade macaroni and cheese with Velveta.  I can dance just like Jerry.  However, I do not like Bob Dylan!  I guess we weren't completely compatible after all!

The Spelunker

     We love caves.  I don't think I can count all the times we have gone to Carlsbad Caverns or Sonora Caverns.  Actually, Jerry always wanted to take the tours off the beaten paths -- to be a real spelunker and crawl through the 12 inch openings with only the light on your helmet for illumination.  Because of my size, my bad knees and my fear of getting stuck in very small spaces, I was not a candidate to go with him.  Sam was too young.  So, unfortunately, Jerry never got to do that. 
     One year, Sam, Jerry and I visited seven caves.  Carlsbad and Sonora were Sam's first caves to visit and we started the year off with those.  We went during Spring Break.  Then, in the summer during our annual trip to San Antonio and Lake Jackson, we went to Cascade Caverns, Natural Bridge Caverns and Inner Space in Georgetown.  Later that summer, my family had a Riel family reunion in the Black Hills of South Dakota (that's where Mt. Rushmore is).   During that trip, we visited Wind Cave (with Ranger Chris as our tour guide.  Sam was thrilled with the name!) and Jewel Cave.  Seven caves in one year.  Each one beautiful in its own way.  We were so happy that we started dreaming of other caves we could go to such as Mammoth Cave in Kentucky.  We planned that trip for next year but now not sure if Sam and I will go.
     Josie tells the story of her dad dangling her over the edge of the "Bottomless Pit" at Carlsbad when she was very young.  Jerry denied ever doing that!  But it shows his love of caves went way back.  And he gave that love to his kids.  Sam still gets a newsletter from a spelunker we met at a gem and mineral show that has explored Carlsbad and other caves in that area not open to the public.  So I know Jerry's passions will live on.  Happy caving! 

The Writer

     Jerry was a writer.  He loved words and had a vocabulary that always astounded me.  When Sam was an infant and I was going "goo goo" to him, Jerry was explaining the universe and the theory of relativity to him.  Jerry told me it was good for a baby to hear words like that.  He was right.  Sam's vocabulary is like his dads and he has become a writer also.
     But Jerry was more than just large words.  He loved to play with words.  If you spent any time with him, you knew all about "Jerry Jokes."  The kids started calling them "Pop Pop Jokes" or "PPJs."  I was always amazed at how fast he could think of a pun to go along with something someone said.  I tried to keep up, but he was always faster.  "I'm tired" turned into "just don't go flat."
     And then there were the corny jokes.  They could be really eary.  "What do you call a fly with no legs?  A walk."  "What do you call a cow with no legs?  Ground beef."
     The kids were creating a Pop Pop Joke book with their favorite jokes and play on words complete with their drawings.  Sadly, Jerry never got to see it.  The book was going to be a present.  For now, it has a place of honor at our home.  When we think of another joke, it will get written down.  And when we are able to all be in Odessa, we will get it out and remember.  And laugh.
     If you remember one, please add it to the comments so we can fill up our book and chuckle at our Jerry Jokes.

Jerry the Dad

     I was not fortunate enough to be around Chris, Jeri Leigh or Josie when they were children.  They were adults (almost) when I met and married their dad.  So, Sam was the first infant I saw Jerry interact with.
     Sam was due December 29th.  My father invited Jerry and me out to dinner on December 23rd.  We went to a local steakhouse, but Jerry ordered chicken fried steak with brown gravy (he hated cream gravy).  He commented that it tasted really salty.  Later that evening, Jerry started throwing up.  It lasted that night and the entire next day until he began throwing up blood by the evening.  So, I put him in the jeep and rushed him to the emergency room.  It was Christmas Eve and the emergency room was celebrating.  Jerry was taken to a room and given a shot of visterol.  His arm started hurting immediately but he was told it would be okay and the hospital sent us home.  He slept most of our first Christmas Day.  I had Sam on the 29th (induced labor and another story).  All that time, Jerry's arm was hurting but he let me hold on to it during each contraction.  Sam and I went home the next day.  Jerry let me sleep and he changed the first four or five diapers.  He was so good to me as he always was.
     School started back when Sam was only four days old.  Jerry went to work, but when he came home, he held his newest son and just stared at him.  I have never seen a dad look at a little baby with such love and devotion.  It is a look I will never forget.  Jerry was created to be a dad and later a Pop Pop.  And he was the best.