May 22, 2011

     May 22, 2011 began like a normal Sunday.  Jerry got out of bed at 7:00.  I heard him get up but didn't say anything.  He was letting me sleep in because I had been feeling sick with sinus drainage the past couple of days.  I got up at 9:00 and walked into the living room.  Jerry was asleep, snoring in the recliner.  I walked back to the bedroom to get my glasses and when I walked back, he said good morning.  I leaned down to kiss him.  I went to the kitchen to start making cinnamon twists, our Sunday tradition.  While they were baking, I went out and got the paper.  By then, he was out of the chair, and came to the kitchen to hug and kiss.  It was a typical Sunday morning.  When the cinnamon twists were done, I dished his up and took them to him.  As usual, he waited on me to get mine so we could eat together.  When we finished, I put the kettle on for hot chocolate and went to wake up Sam.  He came to the living room to eat.  Such a normal Sunday morning.
     A few minutes after I made our hot chocolate, Jerry said his neck and back were hurting and he was going to take a couple of pain pills and maybe lie down for a little bit.  I went to heat up the rice sock to put on his neck.  I walked back to the bedroom.  He was sitting on the edge of the bed taking his pain pills.  I walked back to the kitchen to put potatoes on to bake for lunch.  Normal day.  I went back to the bedroom with the rice sock.  I rubbed his neck and back as it sometimes helped loosen the pains.  He ran to the bathroom and started throwing up.  Sometimes the pain in his neck would be so bad that he would be nauseous.  I wet a rag to wipe his face.  He finally went back to the bedroom and tried to lie down.  He couldn't.  The pain wouldn't let him.  He asked for an aspirin (should have been a clue!).  I gave him one and asked to please take him to hospital.  He could only stand, leaning against the bookcase.  Finally, he said okay to the hospital.  I yelled for Sam to get dressed as I dressed (we were still in p.j.'s - typical Sunday).  Jerry came into the living room as Sam was going out the door to start the car.  Jerry said that I should call for an ambulance.  He never did that.  That told me this was serious.  He also asked for a nitro. pill.  I called 911.  I had never done that before.  I answered all her questions.  Sam had to count his dad's pulse for her.  Jerry kept burping and made it difficult to count.  He did count 10 beats in 15 seconds.  I kept sending Sam out to show the ambulance where our driveway is.  The 911 lady told me they were on the way and hung up.  Jerry was on his knees, leaning forward, on to the love seat.  Finally the ambulance got here (after about 10 minutes).  When they got the stretcher in the living room, Jerry was able to answer questions.  I kept thinking everything would be okay.  After getting all the heart sticky things on, they were ready to take him out.  I can't remember what I said to my love.  Did I tell him I loved him ?  Did I tell him goodbye?  I had no idea that this would be my last chance to talk to him.  My everything.  The EMT told us it would take a few minuted to get everything ready before they took off.  Sam and I got in our car.  Sam had already backed the car out and had it faced the right way to drive out of the driveway.  What a kid.  By now, it was about 11:00 a.m.  When the ambulance finally left, they had to go around the block.  We turned the other way and drove to 16th to go to the hospital.  I told Sam to call Jeri Leigh.  He had texted he before we lift, but I wanted to talk to her.  I realized by Western Food I didn't have Jerry's insurance card and turned around to get it.  The ambulance passed us with lights and siren blaring.  We got his billfold and drove to the hospital.  I called Jeri Leigh at 11:10, Josie at 11:11 and Chris at 11:15.  I thought they should know even though I knew we would bring Jerry home either that day or in a day or two.  This wasn't serious!
     When we got to the hospital and parked, the ambulance was empty.  At the front desk, we were told to go back to room 12.  Sam and I walked back to the rooms and I saw Jerry on the bed with a doctor and several nurses around him.  His feet were moving and I could see him breathing.  I knew he was okay and this was nothing.  I asked the nurse at the nurses station if I could go in.  She went and asked the doctor who told her to take Sam and I to the consultation room to wait until they could tell us test results (11:25).  The two of us sat there, waiting.  Jeri Leigh texted us she was on her way home.  Around 12, Larry was brought to the consultation room by the nurse we had talked to.  She told us Jerry had stopped breathing but they had put a tube in and he was breathing now.  WHAT!!  Also, his blood pressure was very low when he came in.  She told us Dr. Naidu was on his way.  Had Jerry told her about his doctor?  No one had asked me.  No one had talked to me.  About 10-15 minutes later, Dr. Naidu walk in, told us Jerry had "crashed" and told Larry to take us to the Cath. Lab waiting room.  We were stunned.  Sam was in shock and resisted all touching or hugging.  I tried to keep calm as I walked down the hall to the cath lab waiting area by the Heart Center.  I began pacing the waiting and room and looked out the windows to the hallway just in time to see a gurney being rushed down the hall with a woman on top of Jerry doing CPR!  I kept praying please God please God please God.  Elisabeth came in soon after and sat with Sam.  They are such good friends as well as cousins.  At 12:25, I texted everyone I could to pray.  Finally, Randy and Brenda got there.  Randy had gone to church to get Brenda.  I ran out to the hall to meet her and cry.  I had tried to stay strong for Sam.  I kept the kids up to day with calls or texts.  As the time passed, I knew everything was okay.  If they hadn't been able to save him, it wouldn't have taken this long!  Around an half hour had passed.  At about 12:50, Dr. Naidu cam into the waiting room.  Finally!  I thought, how long before I can go see him?  The words that came out of his mouth ended my universe.  "We never were able to get a pulse."  I started yelling no.  I stopped, thanked Dr. Naidu for trying, and he left.  That's when I lost it and cried like I never had before, yelling no.  All I wanted to do was lie on the floor and die too.  Poor Brenda was trying to keep me in the chair.  She yelled for Randy or Larry to come help, but they were also stunned and couldn't.  When I was able to stop, I looked for Sam.  He had run out of the room to go outside.  Elisabeth and Randy had followed.  I will always be grateful for them doing that.  Next, I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  I called Josie first because I knew Jeri Leigh was driving.  I had to tell our baby girl her daddy had died (12:53).  Next, I knew I had to call Jeri Leigh (12:55).  I had never heard her cry.  On that day, I did.  Finally, it took every ounce of strength to call Chris (12:57).  That was the hardest call to make.  Jerry's first born.  Larry had offered to call the kids, but I wanted to.  I did not give birth to those 3 kids, but I love them as if I did.  I will always be grateful to Peggy for sharing them with me.  The rest of the afternoon is a blur.  We weren't able to see Jerry right away.  I had to get out of the room so I paced the hall.  I had seen a young man with "medical examiner" written on the back of his shirt go into the Heart Center.  As he came out he asked if I was Susan Myers.  When I looked at him to answer his questions, I noticed he was very young and had braces.  Doogie Howser!
     Jeri Leigh arrived just as we were told we could go in to see him.  I got Sam, and the three of us went in to tell Dad goodbye.  We had to go back in the waiting area to wait for word of organ donation and the funeral home.  Larry had called the funeral home for us.  The nurses brought Jerry's medicines and sweatpants to me.  Doogie took the medicines to dispose for me.  One nurse brought me a pair of shoes that weren't his!  We gave those back.
     I sat and waited, surrounded by friends Jeanie, Rhonda and Debbie, and lots of family.  I was so shocked by how many people were there for Jerry.  But the one thing I remember is people's feet.  I could only lean over, not sit up straight, so I looked at feet.  Soon, I had to get out of there.  Everybody was talking and some were joking around and laughing.  We have such a happy family but all I could think was that my world had just ended.  How could people laugh?  How could they talk?  Why weren't they crying and tearing their hair out?  The best man that had ever walked the face of this earth had just died.  So, I got Sam and we went home.